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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 26, 2012 3:05am-4:00am EST

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thank you guys for joining us. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it's exciting for us too. well, the big story today is a lot of websites, including wikipedia and craigslist, decided to shut themselves down in order to protest the anti-piracy bill s.o.p.a. craigslist users were like, "great, now where am i going to find a couch, a job and a hooker all in one place?" [ laughter ] this is nice. last night president obama took michelle out to a steak restaurant for her birthday, marking it the first time in months the word "obama" and "well done" appeared in the same sentence. [ audience ohs ] very rare these days. [ cheers and applause ] very rare. >> steve: very rare? oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: did you guys hear about this? last week a british airways crew -- this is true -- a british airways crew mistakenly told passengers that their plane
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was about to crash into the ocean. yeah. they made it even scarier announcement when the lady that said "your in-flight movie will be "yogi bear." [ laughter ] people like "what?!" yeah, the crew told passengers their plane was about to crash. but it turns out a flight attendant hit the wrong button. i don't know what's worse, getting lied to about crashing into the ocean or knowing it happens so often there's a button for it. [ laughter ] you can't just say that? some election news. during a republican debate this week, mitt romney said he's been elk hunting but he's not, quote, "a serious hunter." although, you know who does consider romney a serious hunter? the elk. [ laughter ] shot my brother. [ laughter ] [ gun shot ] you're just joking? listen to this, customers at a movie theater demanded a refund because they didn't realize the movie "the artist" was a silent film. [ laughter ] of course, it didn't help when
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the manager was like -- [ silent film music ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was just reading about this, a group of scientists around the world are teaming up to take the first-ever picture of a black hole. it's really annoying for all the comets passing by because it's like, "did you take it yet? [ laughter ] are you close or should i just -- i just wanna -- i'm so sorry, i've just -- sorry. sorry. i'm just going." [ laughter ] and finally, a woman in california was arrested at mcdonald's after she offered an employee sexual favors in exchange for chicken mcnuggets. [ laughter ] yeah, in fact, i hear she even offered the guy a mcrub. [ laughter and groans ] the employee was like, "no thanks but i will take a big wac!" [ laughter ]
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we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have such a great show tonight. but first, we have an iphone app, you guys. check this out. it's called "jimmy fallon's wake up call." you press this thing right there. it's like -- basically it's an alarm clock app. right? but basically, you got your choice of three different clocks, here. look at this guy. you've got the flip-a-doodle guy in digital times. and it's pretty fun. but here's the deal. you set the alarm and i will call you and it looks like the phone is ringing with me calling you. that's the alarm. so you can choose from different types of calls. like, you can do this one, right here. >> ♪ wake up, wake up wake up, wake up wake up, wake up, wake up wake up ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, stuff like that. so anyways, that's basically what it is. it's 99 cents in the app store right now. check this out, guys. it's pretty fun. [ cheers and applause ] we're proud of it. tonight, you guys, we're very
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excited here at the -- at "late night." he's one of the greatest comedians of all-time. a true icon. i'm honored he's here. bill cosby is on the show! [ cheers and applause ] this evening! we can just stop now. that's amazing. oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. >> steve: i heard you were like school on sunday. >> jimmy: what's that? no -- no class. >> steve: no class. >> jimmy: he's a fantastic actor and a great guy. anthony mackie is dropping by! [ cheers and applause ] we love it when he comes by! he's a good actor. a funny guy, too. plus a performance by wale, featuring miguel! [ cheers and applause ] people love him. gonna be a good show. hey, anyone that knows me knows that i'm a people person. i'm also a big animal lover. and the one thing i've noticed is that people and animals are very different in a lot of ways. in fact, they can often be in the exact same setting and be thinking two totally different things.
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what kinds of things? let's find out in a segment we call "animal thoughts." ♪ animal, animal, animal animal thoughts ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: guys, i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. i'm basically a mind reader. i can tell what people and animals are thinking just by the looking at the way they interact with each other. for example, take a look at this. now, here's a picture of a guy with a little parakeet on his shoulder. it's very cute. i can tell just by looking at the guy that he's thinking, "polly want a cracker?" and the bird's thinking very different. she's thinking, "gary want a breath mint?" [ laughter ] you see? two totally, very different things. like here's another example. it's a woman smiling and posing for a nice picture. and there's -- there's a panda there, too. i can tell the woman's thinking, "this headshot is going to look great." and the panda's thinking, "photo bomb!" [ laughter ] he got her. he got her good. >> steve: he did. >> jimmy: here's another one.
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this is a woman wading through a river with her trusty horse. the woman's thinking, "it's a good thing i brought this pool noodle." and the horse is thinking, "that's not a pool noodle." [ laughter ] >> steve: you knew just by looking at those, too. >> jimmy: i don't know -- i just -- i think i can see what they're both thinking. >> steve: wow. you're like dr. doolittle. >> jimmy: yeah. like, check this out. this is a woman posing with a deer. she's thinking, "this will look great on my facebook wall." meanwhile, the deer is thinking, "i hate the new timeline feature." [ laughter ] it takes some getting used to. i gotta be honest, i'm with the deer. yeah. i got the deer's side on that. let's move on. here's a woman grooming a cute, little dog. she's thinking, "you're all done, daisy." while the dog's thinking, "you know what, just give me a brazilian. tonight's my anniversary." [ laughter ] sounds like a special occasion. >> steve: wow. they're more alike than we think. >> jimmy: yeah. next we have a kid slapping his dog's paw. seems like a well-trained dog. the kid is thinking, "great job, max, you learned how to high-five."
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while the dog is thinking, "if he tries to teach me how to tebow, i'm just going to run into oncoming traffic." [ laughter ] you have to draw the line somewhere. >> steve: yeah. even dogs. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he doesn't care about football. >> steve: he has his dignity. yeah. >> jimmy: this one -- i don't know what to make of this one. >> steve: oh my god. guy's leeping in bed next to an elk. it's pretty weird. but he's thinking, "man, i had a lot to drink last night." [ laughter ] and the elk is thinking, "we didn't buck, did we?" [ laughter ] always drink in moderation, you guys. here's a nice picture, here. this is an old woman, resting her head on her canine companion. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: she's thinking, "we love watching movies together." and the dog's thinking, "that's how 'marley and me' ends?" [ laughter ] he looks pretty -- he looks pretty shocked. >> steve: his eyes are bugged out. he's like stunned. >> jimmy: yeah, he was pretty shocked. yeah, he was stunned. >> steve: he'd never seen that movie. >> jimmy: here we have -- this is a nice picture -- it's a female hiker spotting a little seagull nearby.
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she's thinking, "hey there, little birdie, how are you?" and the seagull's thinking, "i'm kind of bummed out. i come up here sometimes." [ laughter ] >> steve: was he bummed out that she was there? >> jimmy: i don't know. i can't get into -- that deep into it. i'm just seeing what i can. [ laughter ] >> steve: sorry. >> jimmy: here's the last one, here. we see a little kid holding his dog up to look in the fridge. that's nice. the kid's thinking, "i smell something good." and the dog's thinking, "me too. is another dog's butt in there?" [ laughter ] probably not. that's all the "animal thoughts" we have tonight for you guys. [ cheers and applause ] stick around. we'll be right back with more on "late night"! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ first you gotta start with the good stuff.
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then kick it up a notch with french's spicy brown. hey, rookies. not bad for your first game. then lead a double life! with new blast flipstick from covergirl. creamy color on one end, shimmery color on the other. so you can flip your look from demure, to daring. new blast flipstick from covergirl.
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[ male announcer ] next time, try a subway turkey blt or a fresh fit turkey melt, merely 7 grams of fat each. subway. eat fresh. with smooth caramel and chocolate. ♪ hmm twix. also available in peanut butter. so every year my family throws this great reunion in austin. but this year, i can only afford one trip and i've always wanted to learn how to surf. austin's great -- just not for surfing. so i checked out hotwire. and by booking with them, i saved enough to swing both trips.
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see, hotwire checks the competition's rates every day so they can guarantee their low prices. that's how i got a 4-star hotel on the beach in san diego for half price. ♪ h-o-t-w-i-r-e ♪ hotwire.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a comedy legend who will be performing february 3rd at the soaring eagle casino and resort in mount pleasant, michigan, and february 12th at the saroyan theater in fresno, california. his latest book, the best seller, "i didn't ask to be born: (but i'm glad i was)" is in stores right now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only, bill cosby!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bill? >> jim? >> jimmy: bill, no, over here bill. >> jim? >> jimmy: bill over here, bill. >> jim. >> jimmy: closer, okay just, to the left, turn your head to the left. >> be quiet and i'll find you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. i'm going to give you -- >> where did jim go? >> jimmy: colder, colder. >> hey! >> jimmy: hey! how are you? good to see you. i can come to you. [ cheers and applause ] how are you, my friend? >> all right. >> jimmy: very, very good, please look -- >> i'm not your friend. >> jimmy: no, not yet. >> no. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> you did that too early. >> jimmy: i did it too early. i'm sorry. >> we only met twice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we did but i -- >> you came into -- you walked into my dressing room.
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>> jimmy: i said hello to you. >> sit down, please. >> jimmy: yes, absolutely. [ laughter ] >> thank you. now, son, your parents, i've asked them to come five times to talk about you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: parent/teacher conference. >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: welcome. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i feel like you are my friend just because i grew up with you. >> well, be careful. [ laughter ] please be careful. i mean, if you grew up with me, you look good. [ laughter ] you look wonderful, jim. and i am very upset about how good you look. >> jimmy: no, no, i had a good doctor. >> you must have given a lot of blood, because you're a lot lighter than the rest of us. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm telling you, i have my birth certificate. i am a cosby. [ light laughter ] >> you get no money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on, come on, please? >> sorry. >> jimmy: look last time -- >> now, why do you have this? >> jimmy: uh, it works. >> when i have this? >> jimmy: in emergencies. in case we go back to 1958. [ light laughter ]
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we can use this. >> hello, mr. morrow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've been in this studio numerous times. >> yes, i was here when benjamin franklin -- >> jimmy: no, no. >> no, no, no, no, benjamin franklin washington -- >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> -- was the fellow that sold candy in the hallway. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: benjamin franklin washington? >> yes. and the only white washington i've ever met, lately. >> jimmy: really? >> have you ever seen any white washington's? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mount washington. >> no, no. >> jimmy: yeah, an actual -- >> living, walking -- >> jimmy: humans. >> white people -- [ laughter ] named washington. >> jimmy: washington, no. >> i don't know where they went. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because george was super famous. >> well george, you know, george, on the boat -- >> jimmy: yes. >> --on the boat, and they say he's crossing the delaware, but i -- i have looked, and i've
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hired people -- >> jimmy: to find -- >> white washingtons. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now it'd be a myth. >> we have white jeffersons. we have white jeffersons. >> jimmy: yes. >> and we have white smiths. >> jimmy: yes. >> but no white washingtons. >> jimmy: this is true. >> is there anyone white in this audience -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't applaud yet. >> -- named washington? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, you're right. your theory is proven correctly. >> but, but, we have lots of black washingtons. >> jimmy: yes. >> so -- >> jimmy: black washingtons out there? >> so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they do, there's a couple out there. >> of course. of course. >> jimmy: now, i find myself, i find myself -- >> talking like me. [ impersonates cosby ] >> jimmy: trying to talk like you. when you talking -- [ laughter ] i want to say things like you but not exactly to the rhythm. bill please don't leave -- [ laughter ] please don't leave!
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please don't leave! please don't leave! [ cheers and applause ] i do this to all -- i love your -- [ laughter ] we, i -- >> pitiful. >> jimmy: no! [ laughter ] come on, no. i just, but i mean, gosh, everyone does an impression of you, right. are you tired of it? >> no, huh? >> jimmy: are you tired of people doing impression? >> no, i'm not tired of it. it's just the ones that are not good. [ laughter ] no, see, the one thing i fought, really, is to try not to become -- because after 50 years, i think after about maybe 30, i said to myself, please don't become a caricature of yourself. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> and then, of course, people have done imitations. but i don't like what i hear. because it sounds like a person who's having -- who's constipated. [ laughter ]
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well -- the -- and i -- couldn't -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] point taken. now, but have you always had that voice and that delivery? or did you just kind of grew into just -- >> i did. >> jimmy: you did? >> i did. and trying to entertain my boys. that's what we used to call each other. >> jimmy: your friends. >> in the '40s, yeah, the boys. just my boys, the boys. and to differentiate, i would talk a certain way, and my boys liked it. and so i kept it. and then some of them would -- as a matter of fact, pardon me, one time i got the nickname 49 from rookie jackson, because then he could say, 49.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: and sound like you. >> and sound like me. >> jimmy: 49. >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: close your eyes. don't leave! don't leave! please don't leave! don't leave! not yet. [ laughter ] please don't leave, i'm sorry. >> this is an emergency. >> jimmy: i won't -- emergency, i won't do it again. >> come and get him. >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ laughter ] not for me, not for me. >> oh, okay. [ applause ] >> jimmy: but you would get a laugh, i mean, no one else in the cosby family tells -- like your parents don't talk like you? >> no, no. but my brother, bob, sounds like me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> my brother russell sounds like me. some, there was one time -- my wife is very serious. don't have her on this show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, i won't. >> because my wife will analyze your first three words of any sentence. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she says, i was wondering where you were going with this. [ laughter ]
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you couldn't do an imitation of her. >> jimmy: no. i'm afraid right now. >> and live. >> jimmy: and live, absolutely. [ laughter ] >> yeah. because she's a real mother, you know. and a real -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i know. i got you. >> no, the philadelphia people -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a philly connection here. you're from philly, right? >> yeah. but see, they came at a time when philadelphia -- some of them went to schools i never even heard of. you know, they just built schools around them and everything. [ laughter ] and they got on the subway, and wound up here. >> jimmy: yeah, i know, we, they're imports. they're imports from philly, yeah. >> but philadelphia's a wonderful city. as a matter of fact, when i got out of the service, i scored -- do we have time? >> jimmy: we have like an hour. >> no, you have to make money, [ laughter and applause ]
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>> jimmy: no, i can, this is great. >> no this is, if you don't make some money tonight, this will be my last time on your show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- really, really -- >> those guys will go, "uh, cosby scored a three in the ratings." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my god, no we got it. we will -- >> do you want to take a break now? >> jimmy: no, yes, we can take a break now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i won't take a break now but then i have a lot to talk to you about. >> and i'll be back. >> jimmy: please. >> when? after the commercial? >> jimmy: yes. >> why am i telling you things on your own show. [ laughter ] and you know what your answer is? you know what your punch line is? come here, i'll tell you. okay. >> jimmy: okay. >> so i'll say, "why am i telling you things on your show?" >> jimmy: because you're old. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it was written by bill cosby! more with bill cosby when we come back you guys! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yes.
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when i'm on the night shift. when they have more energy than i do. when i don't feel like working out. when there isn't enough of me to go around. ♪ when i have school. and work. every morning. it's faster and easier than coffee. every afternoon when that 2:30 feeling hits. -every day. -every day. every day is a 5-hour energy day. [ male announcer ] 5-hour energy. every day.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with the one and only bill cosby, you guys. >> oh, wait a minute. wait. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> now, they put all the commercials in there? >> jimmy: yeah. every commercial was in there. >> speed talking? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, they put 'em all in there. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> [ mumbling quickly ] >> jimmy: "ask your doctor." >> all right. >> jimmy: yeah, that's the way they do it. >> okay, so -- >> jimmy: i was gonna ask you -- i have -- i have two questions. one is -- because i'm very interested in this -- is that you -- before comedy, you were in the navy. >> yes. >> i know i signed the paper saying i would serve my country. i was kind of serious about that. >> jimmy: yes. >> i didn't want to die. >> jimmy: no. >> so then they had boot camp, which is where they do a turn-around on you.
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they cut off all your hair. i don't care. but the man -- they didn't curse in those days. >> jimmy: oh, no? >> no, no. but they would get in your face. and this man said -- he says, i don't know what i did -- oh, yes, it was 04:30. and i made a mistake and said to him, "in the morning?" [ laughter ] and he went up and the cigarette was hanging and smoke was going like a -- and he says -- he says, "you, 150 pounds of maggot urine --" [ laughter ] i mean, there was -- >> jimmy: no cursing. >> no cursing. >> jimmy: no, no, "maggot urine." >> he was calling names, man. "you rat -- you rat ear wax." [ laughter ] you'd be like -- so anyway -- anyway -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, you're just a kid.
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>> 04:30. [ coughs ] >> so. >> jimmy: sorry, i -- you're making me cough. i coughed into this. >> just do like this. i'm not used to people coughing in their clothes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what people do now. >> i know -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but i didn't want to shake your hand after i coughed. >> oh no, it's quite all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. but after the military -- after the military -- >> no, no, not after. i -- the man woke us up 04:30. you can't see outside. so you go in, you clean up, you -- fall out. it's pitch black. except for one light to the mess hall. i said to the man, "listen, i can save the taxpayers money. don't wake me up." [ laughter ]
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so he was -- "ah, you fox -- face!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "fox face"? >> you know, it takes a while but maybe after about two years, you don't pay attention to them. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, 'cause he's starting to repeat himself. "oh, you hangnail." [ laughter ] so anyway, i think it was the "ahh!" that did it but i -- i didn't want to be there anymore. i got it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i got the idea. so i wrote my mother and i told them that these people were waking me up at 04:30 and we were eating and the man was calling me all these -- he called me a broken yolk. [ laughter ] "ah, you broken yolk!" i was a lark yolk. "you broken lark yolk!" i don't know what -- so i wrote her. and pardon me, i asked her to do something about this. go see roy hubbard, who is the
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committeeman of our block. and see if he can get me out of this. and she -- i got -- the man came to me and says -- the base commander wants to see you. so somebody took me up. you don't get up there unless you've really done something wonderful or wrong. >> jimmy: yeah, one of the two. >> and i walked in. and he's sitting at the desk, the base commander and he says, "are you william h. cosby jr.?" i said, "yes, sir." he says, "i have a letter here, from your mother. and i just want to know if this is true. did you tell her about 04:30 and you marched to chow?" i said, "yes, sir." "and did you tell them that so-and-so said that you are 150 pounds of maggot stuff?" "yes." "and do you feel that there are things -- and we made you stand
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out there and watch a clothesline and no clothes were on it?" [ laughter ] i said, "yes." he said, "well, here's your mother's response. 'good, keep doing it.'" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's mom for you. that's mom. >> now -- now -- >> jimmy: that's awesome. >> i then decided -- it cleared. everything cleared. i want to go to college. i want to save 7th and 8th grade boys from what happened to me. see, all mine was self-inflicted. i'm going to become a gym teacher and i'm going to punish these kids into realizing that education is the only way. you just can't wait. sun comes up, sun goes down, sun comes up and you hope that you -- you have nothing. >> jimmy: make it through the day, no. >> you've got to study. there's an old saying, jim -- may i call you jim? >> jimmy: i think we're becoming friends, yes.
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[ laughter ] >> you know, an old saying. a man's life passes before him when he's -- when he's dying. >> jimmy: yes. >> okay. i go in to take the s.a.t. exam. i know nothing. [ laughter ] but i've sat in every class, quietly. 'cause my schoolteacher -- 6th grade teacher said, "william has a quiet way of not listening." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: a quiet way -- >> i go into the s.a.t exam and i opened the booklet and the man said, "don't answer if you don't know the answer." i looked at my whole life pass before me from all the classes i'd never paid attention.
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i saw the pictures of the cycles and the cones and the drawings. i never knew -- i'm dying. i can see my whole life -- >> jimmy: not answering anything. >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> oh, yes. because somebody said to me, thank goodness, that every fourth answer's the letter "c." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that is not true. >> no. >> jimmy: everything? >> i -- hey man, what have i got to lose? i'm a dead man. i'm a dead man. so now, i'm 42 years old. i look at the man responsible for getting this wonderful university -- temple university allowed me in. i said, gavin, what did i score? gavin said, "i don't think you want to know." i said, "i'm 42, gavin and i got a couple of dollars put away. you can't hurt my feelings."
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he says, "500." i said, "for everything?" he said, "they give you 250 -- [ laughter ] to start the whole thing." >> jimmy: yeah, to write your name -- >> now, they put me -- jimmy -- because of my score -- first of all, what's important is they let me in. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they let me in. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they put me in remedial everything. [ light laughter ] no, i'm serious. remedial everything. i had a scholarship for track and field. that means a full paid ride. >> jimmy: full ride. >> but they wouldn't put -- they wouldn't put me in the dorm. they made me live remedially. [ laughter ] they made me -- >> jimmy: everything was remedial. >> they made me stay at home. they said, "no, you are too stupid to stay on campus. we want to keep you -- we want to keep you away. we don't want it to be contagious." [ laughter ] but i am -- i am thankful for
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that time and the university letting me in. i -- there was not a prouder moment of -- of a 23-year-old having a goal, and knowing what it is and continuing to dream on it. it was fantastic. >> jimmy: and boy, did you achieve it. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: above. above your goals. thank you for choosing that goal. >> and thank you for this show. >> jimmy: thank you. well, you're welcome. well -- thank you for thanking me. >> no, i thought you were giving me this show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. i don't even know what we can -- >> i fed you. >> jimmy: you did tell me a good one. >> okay, let me give you another one. i want to thank you because i -- you're giving me this show.
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>> jimmy: i can't give you this show. >> why? >> jimmy: because this is not a remedial show. [ laughter ] bill cosby, everybody! please pick up "i didn't ask to be born: (but i'm glad i was)," in stores now. check out billcosby.com for concert dates. anthony mackie joins us next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] it sizzles, ready for anything. its smooth taste spreads across your bread's delicate surface. while melting into those creamy mashed potatoes... bringing a rich, warm tenderness to your peas. ohhh! it's i can't believe it's not butter! fresh butter taste with 70% less saturated fat than butter go ahead. cheat on butter. you naughty thing.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! our next guest is a talented actor who has starred in the oscar-winning film, "the hurt locker," as well as the hits, "the adjustment bureau" and "real steel." starting january 27th, you can see him in the new movie, "man on a ledge." please welcome back to the show, anthony mackie! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey man! i don't know if you noticed, but you got some old dude in your lobby harassing people with books. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. that is, no, that is no -- come here, that is, i'm sorry. how's it going? [ whisper ] >> oh for real? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i gave that fool ten dollars. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] did he sign? >> he didn't even sign my -- >> jimmy: he didn't sign it? >> nah. >> awe he did so. >> come on man. >> jimmy: i saw you talking. isn't that amazing? >> that is absolutely -- that's bill cosby, dude. >> jimmy: that's the one and only. and he gave me the face too. >> yo. [ applause ] >> jimmy: did you see him give me the face? >> he almost walked off your show. >> jimmy: he walked off the show. >> that's real. that's when you know you got clout. [ light laughter ] now i've got 20 more minutes with you. where you going? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i had to stop bill cosby from leaving three times.
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>> sit down. >> jimmy: uh, i love when you come on. because i know you split your time, you got between acting, you also have new orleans and new york city. >> definitely. >> jimmy: sorry about the new orleans saints by the way. >> hey man, you know what, if alex smith can play like that again in his life, i'll live with it. >> jimmy: all right, good. >> he played the game of his life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> michael jordan, game six -- >> jimmy: that was it. >> not even looking at the gold jump shots. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> you know what i mean? if he can do that again, fine. i was at the game. everybody was nice, you know a lot of, a lot of ascots. a lot of scots. >> jimmy: oh. >> you know, everybody was real nice. >> jimmy: everybody had neck wear. neck wear. >> you know, satin jackets. san francisco, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> so everybody was nice. >> jimmy: yeah, they're very nice people. >> so you know, it was a good game, it was a good game. >> jimmy: now, who are you going for? >> now, i'm going for the giants. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. i love -- you got to go, you got to go with the new york giants. you're in new york as well. >> yeah. grown man can't cheer for tom brady. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why? >> you can't cheer for the ugg, the ugg don. [ laughter ]
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you can't do that. you can't. >> jimmy: oh come on. >> you can't, the dude has ugg cleats. you can't do that. >> jimmy: no he's not wearing uggs. >> next time you watch the game, watch. he's got ugg cleats. >> jimmy: he's not wearing uggs. >> that's why he's tip toe around all the time. >> jimmy: oh he does not. [ cheers and applause ] no, no, no, now look, you like it because in new york you actually have a bar in brooklyn. >> in brooklyn, right, right, right, my bar's called "nobar." new orleans style, you know, french rustic style, bar. real cool, chill, great cocktails. >> jimmy: do you ever go, work there, i mean. >> yeah. that's what i do. i told you, i work. >> jimmy: i know, yeah, but i didn't know if you worked at the bar. >> that's what i do. >> jimmy: you go into work. >> yeah! i go, look, when i leave here right now i'm going to the bar and make some -- if you give me $12 i'll make you a cocktail! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's your move? what do you do? what's your move? >> i do, well, when i was a kid, my favorite movie was "cocktail" with tom cruise. 'cause tom cruise was the man. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you know, pre '98, so -- >> jimmy: no -- [ laughter ] he's still the man, he's still the man. >> so, you know, i was watching the movie and i was like man, i need to get my tom cruise on. so, i, you know, i flip the bottles and get the -- you know what i mean. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> nah. >> jimmy: "kokomo" -- "kokomo"
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plays at your bar nonstop. >> nonstop! i mean, i clipped somebody once. [ light laughter ] so they got their drink for free. but other than that -- >> jimmy: it's a tough neighborhood, yeah. >> i hear you. i mean it's -- >> jimmy: but the one cool thing about you, about your bar is that you build the, you built some of the tables yourself. >> i built all the tables. i built everything but the pool tables and the chairs. >> jimmy: wow. >> i built the floors. i was on broadway doing "a behanding in spokane," and i realized -- >> jimmy: that's right, you toured. >> --actors, when we have free time we get in trouble. so i try to occupy my free time. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i ain't worried about wall street. i'm going to occupy my free time. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you know what i mean? [ light laughter ] so, you know, my boy was like, "yo, i hear they got dumpsters outside broadway plays and they got expensive furniture in them." so we were watching hgtv and you know -- [ laughter ] --hgtv they have the picker shows. so, i'm like -- let's jump in the dumpster. [ laughter ] so we jump in the dumpster and find all this stuff. so we take the stuff, take it apart and make tables. >> jimmy: let's jump in the dumpster, yeah. >> that's recycling, i'm green. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you're green. you said that. look, look, look --
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>> so i built my whole bar, with three dumpster dives and a 50 dollar home depot card. >> jimmy: there you go! that's the way to do it. [ cheers and applause ] and you probably checked yourself out too, while you were there. >> exactly, exactly. >> jimmy: i want to talk about your movie, "man on a ledge." >> yes. >> jimmy: great cast! >> thank you sir. >> jimmy: sam worthington -- >> yes, yes, he's a "avatar." >> jimmy: yup, he was, he's in "avatar," yeah. >> don't mess with "avatar." >> jimmy: no, no, no, you're right. >> they're blue and they're tall. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so basically the story is, the guy, he's an ex-cop. >> no, no, no. the movie's called "man on a ledge." so, basically the story is, there's a man and he's on a ledge. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> that's what i do. i only do movies where the title -- >> jimmy: is the movie. >> tells you what the movie's about. [ laughter ] my next movie coming out -- "abraham lincoln, vampire hunter." [ laughter ] guess what that's about!? [ laughter ] you feel me? you feel me? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> that' s what i do. look, we're in a recession. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? that makes no sense. >> i ain't asking people to think about nothing man. [ laughter ] times are hard. >> jimmy: anthony mackie does not want you to think, you guys.
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>> look, you got to think about that light bill. times are hard. >> jimmy: exactly. he just wants you to go and have fun. >> i ain't bill cosby man. >> jimmy: "man on a ledge." >> i ain't this old dude harassing people with his bull --. [ laughter ] outside, jacked me up. >> jimmy: no. my god, you didn't get his book? >> he owes me ten dollars. i gave him ten dollars. >> jimmy: bill cosby you heard that. you owe anthony mackie ten dollars. >> you owe me ten dollars. i know where you live fool. >> jimmy: here's a -- [ laughter ] here is a clip from "man on a ledge," anthony mackie you guys. >> give me five minutes. >> what the hell is going on there? >> ackerman breached the door, he locked us out. >> why don't you come on off the ledge. >> i can't do that. >> don't be crazy, cass. come in here. >> cass! let me help you. >> i always wondered if you were involved in this. >> involved in what? >> there is someone talking to valet right now. who's name is he going to come up with? >> i'm your friend! take my hand. >> who's name? >> what the hell are you doing? get away from me! >> go, go, go. >> take him.
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>> i'm your friend. >> then why do you look so guilty? >> jimmy: you guys, "man on a ledge" is in theaters january 27th. [ cheers and applause ] please be kind to anthony mackie everybody. wale performs next. see what bill cosby's doing. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we know a place where tossing and turning have given way to sleeping. where sleepless nights yield to restful sleep. and lunesta can help you get there, like it has for so many people before. when taking lunesta, don't drive or operate machinery until you feel fully awake. walking, eating, driving, or engaging in other activities while asleep, without remembering it the next day, have been reported. abnormal behaviors may include aggressiveness, agitation, hallucinations or confusion. in depressed patients, worsening of depression,
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including risk of suicide, may occur. alcohol may increase these risks. allergic reactions, such as tongue or throat swelling, occur rarely and may be fatal. side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, dizziness and morning drowsiness. ask your doctor if lunesta is right for you. then get lunesta for $0 at lunesta.com. there's a land of restful sleep. we can help you go there on the wings of lunesta. ♪ [ laughs ] ♪ ♪ i'm here to unleash my inner cowboy. instead i got heartburn. hold up partner. prilosec can take days to work. try alka-seltzer. it kills heartburn fast. yeehaw! today my journey continues fast. across the golden state,
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where everyone has been unbelievably nice. mornin'. i guess i'm helping them save hundreds on car insurance. it probably also doesn't hurt that i'm a world-famous advertising icon. cheers! i mean, who wouldn't want a piece of that? geico. ah... fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent oh dear... or more on car insurance.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest scored a huge debut with his second album, "ambition." he's here to perform his hit single, "lotus flower bomb." with a little help from the roots, please welcome wale featuring miguel! [ cheers and applause ] >> ambition. ♪ my name is wale. i'm from washington, d.c. double m-g, representing b-o-a. make some noise, y'all. [ cheers and applause ] let's go. ♪ lotus flower bomb fire flies when i'm low she take me high ♪ ♪ i can teach you all the styles of love ♪ ♪ flower bomb, let me guess your favorite fragrance you got that bomb, huh i'm tryin' detonate ya ♪ ♪ no disrespecting baby just tryin' make you smile try to keep my spirits up that's why i lays it down ♪
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♪ try to keep your spirits up lil vodka whatever took her forever to get dressed ♪ ♪ i acknowledge her effort so i clap for her she deserves an applause ♪ ♪ shawty working so hard she deserve that baton shawty where your baton racing thru my mind like ♪ ♪ she heard that i got that work i heard that she been on strike ♪ ♪ here to tell i read your mind she been on them dollars first ♪ ♪ caramel macchiatos when shawty get into work i can be your boyfriend be your -- ♪ ♪ or a man with perks i'm just tryin' work that they just tryin' work your nerves ♪ ♪ i'm just tryin' read your mind i'm just tryin' feed you mine ♪ ♪ i'm just tryin' give you life they just tryin' ♪ ♪ i'm living in a fantasy i feel it when you dance with me ♪ ♪ it's feeling like you need to be my lady, my baby, yeah can't you see ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout eternity
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tell me would you care to be my lady, my baby ♪ ♪ flower bomb, can i blow up on your mine this is not no sandra bull but ya potion number 9 ♪ ♪ navigatin thru her eyes destination to her thighs and i hate to tell you too much ♪ ♪ cause i stay with too much pride and we way too young to know love ♪ ♪ maybe not but we don't need no rush don't believe in love at first sight ♪ ♪ i believe in love at first uh ♪ ♪ can i be wit you just one night i can wear you out inside i can tell you like ♪ ♪ persistence but i make her -- in tries ♪ ♪ i just think we need one night can't decide if i came right easy baby my thang tight ♪ ♪ but that lotus flower just ain't right i ain't thinkin i ain't right ♪ ♪ can't decide but i can't fight easy baby you the bomb in all ♪ ♪ but i be damned if i do not land mine or at least try can i speak up ♪ ♪ was it peace out can we eat lunch can we take shots what's your flavor ♪ ♪ flat drinks we call a-cups i just think i need one night slightly more if it's done right ♪
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♪ wit dat gorgeous face it ain't important babe 'cause i'mma call you mine ♪ ♪ i'm living in a fantasy i feel it when you dance with me ♪ ♪ it's feeling like you need to be my lady, my baby, yeah can't you see ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout eternity tell me would you care to be my lady, my baby ♪ ♪ cause i don't know you you don't know me and that clock keep tickin, shawty what's it gon' be ♪ ♪ i don't know you you don't know me, yeah but i can teach you all the styles of love ♪ ♪ i-a-e i-o-ooh baby this one's for you ♪ ♪ for you, for you ♪ yeah, it goes i-a-e
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i-o-ooh ♪ >> double m-g. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's up, buddy? come on, wale! how you doin', buddy? wale! miguel! check out the album, "ambition"! we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done. so take 5-hour energy. just open it up, knock it back, and roll up your sleeves. 5-hour energy is faster and easier than coffee. man, does it work. you'll get that alert, energized feeling you need to get stuff done. a lot of stuff. wow. look at you go. 5-hour energy. when you gotta get stuff done.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to bill cosby, anthony mackie, wale and miguel and the greatest band in late night, the roots! stay tuned for "carson daly." thanks for watching, have a great night, hope to see you tomorrow! bye bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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